Just an average day
by TheBlueWingedRaven
Summary: Collection of Batfamily One shots. Will include: Fluff, Slash, Jason's hidden love for butterflies, Damian's secret love of singing in the shower and more! Not to forget 6 newly adopted kittens Dick brought home. Plus just some really weird things. Dick's in here so what do you expect. :3 Hope you enjoy it! K for content T for some occasional language. *Ahem* Looking at you Jason.
1. When I'm 64

**Haven't wrote for awhile, but I was in the mood to write some cheery and humorous stories, considering my other two are dark and gritty... I hope you enjoy it! **

**The song featured in this story is "When I'm 64" by the Beatles. **

Bruce sat in a comfortable silence, all his attention in his paperwork for Wayne Enterprises. His eye lids started to droop as he struggled to stay awake and finish his work.

_A few minutes of rest wouldn't hurt..._

"When I get older!" Dick sang as he sprung from behind Bruce's desk. Bruce inhaled sharply as he was thrown off guard , looking much more awake now.

"Losing my hair, many years from now!" Dick sang, skipping around Bruce's desk.

"Dick how did you get in here?"

"Will you still be sending me a valentine, birthday greetings, bottle of wine?" Dick sang, grabbing hold of Bruce's spiny chair, spinning it around fast.

"What?"

"If I've been out till quarter to three. Would you lock the door?"

"Yes." Bruce mumbled, stopping the chair from spinning.

"Will you still need me? Will Alfred still feed me? When I'm 64!" Dick belted out, his face bursting into smiles .

"You'll beeee oldeeer too! And if you say the word, I could stay, with _you_!" Dick said jabbing a finger in Bruce's chest, pushing him back in his chair.

"I could be handy, mending a fuse! When your lights are gone!" Dick sang, making a cuckoo cuckoo sign.

"Please leave."

"You can knit a sweater by the fireside! Sunday mornings go for a ride!" Dick smiled, unraveling Bruce's tie. He galloped around the room, using the tie as a ribbon.

"Doing the garden, digging the weeds. Who could ask for more?"

"Dick, last time you tried doing that you dug out Alfred's prized tulips.

"Will you still need me? Will Alfred still feed me? WHEN I'M 64!"

"Every summer we can rent a cottage in central city, if it's not too dear!"

"I'm sure I have some aspirin in here..."

"WE SHALL SCRIMP AND SAVE!" Dick declared, jumping on Bruce's desk, loose papers flying everywhere.

"Go away." Bruce whined, picking up his important documents.

"Grand children on your knees! Vera, Chuck and DAVE!"

Bruce walked over to the door in defeat, but the door knob was gone.

"What the..."

"Send me a postcard, drop me a line, stating point of view!" Dick sang, holding up some screws... and his door knob.

"Indicate precisely what you mean to say, yours sincerely, wasting away!"

"Give me my door knob back." Bruce grumbled, snatching the door knob from the bouncing Dick. Eyeing the vent, Bruce sighed, he was down to his last resort.

"Give me an answer, fill in a form. Mine for ever more!"

Skillfully , he removed the vent with ease, placing it down on the ground. He swiftly jumped into the vent, and started crawling. Where this would take him? He wasn't exactly sure, probably the kitchen. As long as it was far from here. Dick's voice faded, as Bruce let out a sigh of relief. He was crawling for around a minute in peace. But then that's when he heard it.

"Will you... still need me? " Dick whispered/sang , his voice echoing throughout the vents. Except it wasn't as cheerful, it had an eerie feeling to it. Bruce crawled a bit faster, trying to find a way out. Being chased by a singing Dick in a completely dark vent was not how he was planning to spend his day.

"Will Alfred still feed me?" Dick sang, he voice barley a whisper but sounded even closer. Bruce's eyes darted around but there was no sign of him. For the first time in a while Bruce was slightly genuinely scared. He had a good reason though. This was just flat out creepy. The next verse sounded straight out of a horror trailer. It came out point, by bloody point.

"Wheeeeen..." Bruce's heart beat started to pump slightly faster.

"I'm..." It sounded so close. He could feel Dick's breath on the back of his neck. He span around but was met with empty air. He continued his crawl. There! In front of him. Light poured out from one of the vents. An exit! He crawled faster, reaching the vent. Before he could grab the vent, he froze in his tracks. He felt something, very very softly, drawing circles on his back. It sent shivers down his spine. It was freaking creepy. He slowly turned around, immediately wishing he didn't. Staring straight into his very soul, was Dick with... completely white eyes.

" SIXTY FOUR!" Dick screamed as loud as he could. This Bruce was not prepared for. He let out a shriek, as he slammed as hard as humanly possible into the vent. Of course this caused the vent to break, sending him sprawling down an 11 feet drop. Not quite sure how he did it, Bruce managed to gather his bearings at the last second, safely landing on the ground with a somersault. It wasn't the best one he could have done, and would guarantee some good size bruises. Bruce was too disturbed to notice Oliver looking at him like he had three heads and the two boys laughing their heads off, with the exception of Damian.

"Hey, uh Bruce? You okay?" Oliver asked, staring at Bruce who just slowly kept walking away. And was that a doorknob in his hand? Why was he holding a door knob? So much for talking about league business...

"You guys are one messed up family..." Oliver muttered, following Bruce down the hallway.

"Ok, you can come out now." Tim called.

"I can't believe you actually pulled it off Grayson. " Damian said with a smirk, watching Dick gracefully jump down from the vent.

"Hey, I'm the best at what I do."

"Which is making father's life a living nightmare?"

"Nah, that's what Timmy does." Jason retorted.

"Hey!"

"How did you sneak up on him so easily? And why are your eyes white?" Damian asked, a bit jealous that Dick somehow managed to easily sneak up on father, when it was usually quite hard for even himself to do.

"Oh, they're just coloured contacts. Zantana owed me a favour. Gave me this cute little button, click it and boom, you're invisible. "

"No way."

"You better believe Timmy. Except , she only made it so I can use it twice. It can last up to 10 mins max. You can chose when to turn it off. Cool, right?"

"One more use eh? How about we save that for some other time." Jason said with a grin.

"Yes, yes indeed we shall." Dick said with a smile.

~~End~~

OR IS IT?

Nah it's the end.

Or I might be lying.

AM I?

Unless you have the lasso of truth, I'll never tell you.

**Thanks for reading! Like it? Reviews are always appreciated. More to come! **

**~BlueRaven**


	2. The text message

"Dick has a girl friend! DICK HAS A GIRL-" Tim was roughly cut off by Jason's hand.

"Twerp. Shut. Up." Jason grumbled, sitting up in bed.

"But, Dick has a girlfriend!" Tim said, now whispering.

"I don't give a crap. " Jason muttered, pulling his blankets over his head.

"Todd! TODD!" Damian yelled, jumping right on Jason's bed.

"What."

"Grayson has a girlfriend!"

"Dick's too young for a girl friend. He's like four years old."

"Whatever! But he has one and they've chatted for _hours_." Tim exclaimed.

"Once again, I'll clearly state I do not give a single fuc-"

"Todd, It's Barbara."

"Woah. Woooooah. What? I thought they were just good friends." Jason asked, coming out from under the covers.

"They are. But the two have been always hinting their affection , and look at this. Dick fell asleep and left this unsent message on his phone. I guess he was still debating if he was going to send it." Tim said giggling shoving a phone in Jason's face.

*_Hey Babs. We haven't really had much time to talk since the break out at Arkham. I guess I'm starting to miss you. And uh, I was wondering... Would you want to start dating?* _

"That is one of the worst ways to ask a girl on a date. I have never read something so brutal before." Jason said with a smirk.

"I mean, he should totally do this in person. Or at least flatter her a bit." Tim said, taking the phone back.

"Hey, hey. Drake what are you doing?" Damian asked as he saw Tim texting.

"Just editing this a bit. You know, making it more romantic... There. Much better."

*Hey babs. We haven't had time to talk to each other without the mask. I know we've been really good friends for a while, but the truth is, I want to take it to the next step. You always brighten up my day. Could we grab lunch together at 12:00? I miss you 3*

"Uh no no no. That's too sweet and settle. With women you always have to do it straight forward. Let me do it." Jason said, grabbing the phone.

*Hey babs. We haven't had time to talk to each other without the mask. I know we've been really good friends for a while, but the truth is , I want to take it to the next step. Fuck me. All the girls want the Dick. Which is me. The Dick Grayson.*

"Todd! When talking to such a girl like Barbara, you do not use that type of language!" Damian said, snatching the phone to write his own version.

*Hey babs. We haven't had time to talk to each other without the mask. I know we've been really good friends for a while, but the truth is, I want to take it to the next step. Fuck me. All the girls want the Dick. Which is me. The Dick Grayson. And that's why I feel lonely. At all of Bruce's parties I always have to act like a stupid playboy, and charm every girl I meet. All of these girls never see me for who I am but for what I am. The adopted son of the famous and rich Bruce Wayne. Out of all the girls I've seen, you're the only one who doesn't care about the money of the fame. You don't see me for what I am, you see me for who I am. Lately, all my nights have been empty and cold. I've been thinking what was missing, and I realized it's you. You're the one who fills up my heart and warms it up with your grace and beauty. You dazzle me every time I see you, and you always light up my heart and fill it with something I haven't really felt lately. Love. You always brighten up the room and you're an intelligent, bright, beautiful girl I want to spend all my time with. Could you come over at 12:00 so we can grab lunch today?*

"Twerp. What overly deep emotional hell hole did you just spawn out of? You're like 12! You've never even been in love with a girl before. Like what the hell?"

"Mother always said I was talented with writing."

"Whatever. But I think we wrote a master piece here! I mean, this is actually awesome." Jason said satisfied.

"DAMIAN. TIM. JASON. WHERE IS MY PHONE?" Dick yelled, crashing into the room. The two younger boys scattered, but Jason stood up tall and proud.

"Make another move Dickie. And I send Barbara this message the three of us typed together."

"What? Guys! That is not cool! Don't do it please." Dick whined with puppy eyes.

"Alright fine. Jason give the phone back."

"Already admitting defeat? I always knew you were the weak one." Jason said with a smirk.

"Jason give it back!" Dick hollered, charging into Jason. Dick knocked Jason down and the phone went flying.

"Ha ha ha! I got you now Jason. Ok, can I have my phone back please?" Dick asked, who successfully pinned down the man in question.

"Uh...Dick." Tim said picking up the phone which was 5 meters away from the boys. On the screen flashing in blue said *Message sent* A second later it said *Read.*

Everyone froze. Five minutes passed, then 7 then 10. Barbara still didn't reply. For sure, she would have read it all by now. Dick pulled himself off of Jason, and didn't bother to pick up his phone.

"Thanks guys. The relationship I had with Barbara was fragile and you just ruined it. Thanks." Dick mumbled, looking sad as he walked out of the room.

"Great going Todd." Damian sneered.

"What? It's not my fault! You're the one who ran in here and started it!"

"Man, I think we just broke Dick's heart."

"Oh come on. Dickie will get over it."

"Will he todd?"

"Well, I'm pretty sure you can go fu-"

"Guys shut up! She replied!" Tim said.

"What did she say?"

"All she said was "I'll be there." With a smiley face."

"Where?"

"I don't know, Damian said to come here at 12:00."

"What time is it?"

"12:00." Two seconds later, the doorbell rang.

"Master Dick! Miss Gordon is here." Alfred called. All three boys pushed their way out of the door and rushed downstairs. The ran into the kitchen where Alfred was, they hid behind a counter, with a perfect view of the door. Alfred and Bruce stared at the boys for a few seconds, before going back to their conversation. Dick came rushing down stairs.

"Barbara, the text message. I didn't mean too. It wasn't-"

Dick was cut off by a kiss. All three boys looked at their brother with a smile.

"You're not mad at me?"

"Why would I? What you wrote was so sweet. I love you too." Barbara said, as the two walked out the door. Before Dick was out of view his mouthed "Thanks guys." The sound of Barbara's motorcycle roared as the two left.

"Well, that went surprisingly well." Jason admitted.

"Now what?" Damian asked.

"Well, I don't know about you guys. But I always wanted to see Diana and Bruce together. And we make a pretty good team."

"Yeah Drake. That would be a pretty nice couple."

"Hey, hey twerps. I wouldn't go that far to call us a team. No way in hell. " Jason said with a smile, as he ruffled his younger brothers hair.

~~~End~~~


	3. Lost and found

"Time to call it a night boys." Bruce said, entering information from their latest case in the batcomputer.

"Alright, fine." Damian said, changing out of his robin costume.

"Hey guys, where's Dick and Barbara?" Tim asked, noticing that the two haven't returned to the cave yet. Jason walked up to Tim with a smile and whispered something in his ear that Tim wish he never heard.

"Jason! No they're not! That is so gross!"

"What? They already teach you about that at school, kiddo. "

Batgirl raced in on her motorcycle with Dick right behind her.

"Sorry guys." Barbara said, taking off her helmet.

_Meow!_

"What was that?" Bruce asked, turning his attention to the teens.

"I brought home some friends!" Dick squealed, running to them with a box.

"Friends of yours? We really don't need more people like you." Jason remarked.

"But they're really cute. You'll love them." Dick said opening the box. Inside were 6 skinny kittens.

"Dick, why did you bring home kittens." Bruce asked, letting out a sigh.

"You should be happy Bruce, don't you have a thing for cats?" Jason asked with a wink.

"Nah, now he's into girls with lassos, red boots and swords." Barbara said with a giggle.

"Oh yeah, you gotta love the girls with the swords." Jason whispered back. Ignoring the comments on his love life, Bruce brought his focus back to the task in front of him.

"Why do we have kittens here Dick?" Bruce asked, bending down to inspect the cats.

"Well, I was on patrol and I heard a gunshot.. I saw these little guys all alone in an ally. Not only that, but there was another older cat protecting him. " Dick got more emotional as he continued.

"Then this straight out scum bag shot the cat which I presume was the mother. So I beat the living crap outta him and took him to the police. I couldn't just leave the kittens there."

"Ok, understandable. But why did you bring them back here? Why not drop them off by the SPCA?" Bruce asked. Dick's eyes widened as it looked like he just slapped really hard across the face.

"BRUCE? Are you INSANE? They just witnessed their MOTHER get shot! You really think I would hand them off to some unreliable SPCA when they just went through a traumatic experience?"

"Dick, we are not going to take care of 6 kittens."

"But Bruce! I found them in crime ally." The next moment was a chilly silence.

"Fine." Bruce sighed and went back to the monitors, muttering something about "getting to soft" under his breath.

"YAYAYAY!" Dick squealed.

"Ok ok. Guys I have a kitten for each of you." Dick said excitedly.

"Ok Babs, you can have this once. It's the only girl so it makes sense if you have her." Dick said gently picking up the kitten. The kitten had blue eyes and white and grey fluffy fur, with little patches of bright orange that was identical to her own hair.

"She's beautiful. I'll name her... Alaska." Barbara said, petting Alaska as she purred loudly.

"Nice! Ok Timmy, this guy is for you." Dick said handing Tim the kitten. It was the smallest of the litter, and had blue soft eyes. His fur was a light creamy caramel colour with a mix of dark brown.

"Ooo! I'm gonna name him...Nutella!"

"Are you serious? Jason asked.

"Yup."

"Ok, Jason you're up." Dick said getting a kitten.

"I don't want a stupid cat."

"Ok then... Damian, this guy is yours."

"Owch! He bit me! Dick shrieked. The kitten glared at Dick and hissed, curling up in a little ball in the box.

"Yeah actually, I'll take this one." Jason said. He picked up the cat gently, which immediately started to purr in his embrace. The kitten had short sleek black fur with a dark orange pattern. There was a long and wide stripe of orange that went from between his ears to his back. He had piercing green eyes and long whiskers.

"I'm gonna name him... Sparta."

"Oh yeah, that's a match made in heaven." Barbara said with a smile.

"Okie, Dami this little guy is yours." The kitten alike the others, had blue eyes. His fur was white, black and grey.

"I will name him Ash."

"Ash? Like after Ask Ketchum?" Dick asked, his eyes glowing with excitement. He must have bought every single Pokémon video game and watched every single episode at least twice.

"No. I mean after the Ash Tree, Grayson. One grew outside my bedroom when I lived with mother in the mountains. The Ash Tree represents sacrifice, sensitivity and higher awareness. " Damian said with a matter of fact tone.

"Give it to Damian to figure out how to turn a cat's name in to some weird emotional shit."

"Jason. Language." Barbara muttered. Jason rolled his eyes but seemed to obey.

"Ok this little guy is for me!" Dick said, taking out the kitten. Before anyone could question him, Dick jumped away and into the shadows of the cave.

"What are you doing?"

"Tim hit the lights on the first edge by the computers!" Shrugging, Tim did what he was told and hit the switch. The single light shone on Dick, who was on a 7 feet ledge as he held up his kitten lion king style.

"Nants ingonyama bagithi Baba! Sithi uhm ingonyama!" Dick sang.

"What the freak are you saying?" Jason asked, giving Dick the most weird out stare.

" Nants ingonyama bagithi Baba!" Dick hollered, Bruce just looked up at Dick, his face cracked into a smirk as he answered Jason's question.

"He said: Here's comes the lion father. Oh yes ,it's a lion. Here comes the lion father. How do I know that? I just do. It's a song from the movie lion king in the very beginning. The circle of life."

"I shall name him, SIMBA!" Everyone could see the cats features clearly. Simba was the skinniest of them all, which was saying something considering all of the kittens were underweight. Simba's right eye was blue, and left one green. If two face was a cat, he would probably look like Simba. The left side of his face with the blue eye was white, while the other side was grey. The rest of the cat was a mix of white and different shades of grey.

" The lion king? Never watched it." Jason retorted.

"NEVER WATCHED IT? FOR SHAME. FOR SHAME!" Dick shrieked, jumping down from the ledge with a wild looking Simba in his arms.

"Whatever Dick. Oh hey. My cat has a long scar on the left side of his face. I think I'll name him scar instead. " Jason said, petting his kitten.

"What!? NO! I forbid you to name him Scar! Scar is an evil cat who kills one of my favourite characters in the movie which I will not name because you're gonna watch it."

"The more reason to name him Scar then." Dick let out a huff of annoyance before heading back to the two remaining kitties.

"Boys and Miss Barbara, it's 3:00 AM. I assume you will be going to bed soon? And Miss Barbara will you like me to drive you to your Dads or are you staying for the night?" Asked Alfred, as he emerged from the elevator.

"Thanks so much but, I'm fine. I don't want to bother my Dad and uh , as you guys know my apartment kinda burned down a few days ago. Could I crash here for a few nights?"

"Of course! You're more than welcomed to stay. After all, you are family. I'll prepare a room for you." Alfred said warmly.

"Thanks, Alf."

"Oh Alfie! We have a kitten for you!" Dick said running to the old man. Dick held up a pure white kitten with a soft grey pattern.

"My, it's certainly an elegant looking cat." Alfred said as he held the kitten in his arms.

"Judging by the look on Master Bruce's face, I'll be wise and not ask where these fellows came from."

"Good idea." Bruce said cracking a smile.

"What are you gonna name him?"

"I'll name him Mocha."

"Oh and by the way Alf, you don't have to worry about the kittens, I'll take care of their food, water and litter box."

"Why thank you Master Dick. Now, If I may excuse us..." Alfred said, bringing Mocha with him.

"Ok then! The very last kitty is Bruce's!"

"I don't want a kitten Dick."

"Yes you so do."

"Not, actually I don't."

"Yes you do."

"No."

"Come on Bruce!"

"Dick, I don't need-"

"Great! What are you going to name him?" The last kitten had striking features. His eyes were a light sharp icy blue with slivers of grey. He had dark grey fur with pure black stripes covering his tail and legs and some parts of his back. His had a black nose with dark grey paws. No doubt this kitten could easily blend in with the shadows.

As Dick reached to pick up the kitten it quickly dashed away from him.

"Hey! Little guy come back!" Dick called, searching for the kitty. The kitten dashed off into the corners of the cave, disappearing into the shadows.

"It's official Bruce, you and this kitten were so meant to be ." Tim said with a smile. Putting his mask on, Bruce turned on night and heat vision, immediately finding the kitten. He quietly and stealthy followed the kitten, disappearing from sight. The kitten stared at him, his back arched and claws unsheathed .

"Hey, little guy. It's ok." Bruce said softly. The kitten didn't move and instead kept its strong glare with Bruce. It looked frightened but yet strong. Maybe, somehow determined. Did the kitten really know its mom was killed?

_Is it possible he felt how I felt when my parents were murdered in the very same ally? Bruce what are you thinking about. He's just a cat. Just a little kitten who is frightened and doesn't know much. Kinda sounds Just like you when... But he looks so lost, and scared. Trying to blend into the darkness to hide away from the truth.. Bruce. He. Is. Just. A. Cat. Ok you've been hanging around Dick for way too long. Stop having arguments with yourself. You're insane._

Bruce took off his mask.

"Hey, it's ok." The kitten started to relax more. Hesitantly, but surely the kitten came closer and closer till it was just inches away from Bruce. Bruce gently picked up the kitten, and came back to the group.

"I think I'm going to name him... Ace."

"Ok, but personally I woulda named him "Batcat." Dick said with a smile.

"That is one of the worse names I ever heard Grayson."

"Or Acrocat!"

"Acrocat?" Questioned Barbara.

"Well yeah, I'm an acrobat. So acrobat. But since he's a cat and not a bat, he would be Acrocat."

"I stand corrected, that was the worse name I ever heard."

~~End~~

**Expect to see these little kittens in the upcoming chapters. They are now officially part of the Batfamily! They are the Catfamily of the Batfamily... Ha ha ha. Ha. : ) **


	4. New 50 what?

Before I was ok with the New 52, but now a lot of stuff is making zero sense. I'm not saying I hate it, there has been some very good stories, but others are just plain wrong. Enjoy this messed up one shot.

"Yeah, so I just took off my mask in the middle of battle to show Green Lantern."

"Why the heck would you do that?" Tim questioned bugged eyed, sipping his Nutella milkshake.

"I don't know, cause he like broke him arm. Soooo, I felt bad and despite my serious trust issues and all the people and opportunities I lost fiercely trying to keep my identity a secret, I decided to tell him."

"Wow, I don't really know what to say. That was a pretty stupid move." Stephanie said, twirling the ends of her hair.

"You're opinion doesn't even matter Steph, you don't even exist anymore." Jason said, taking a mouthful of his root beer float that he spiked with vodka.

"What!? What do you mean? Why would they get rid of me. I mean I-" Stephanie disappeared in a puff of smoke, leaving her strawberry shake behind.

"Dibs on Steph's milkshake!" Wally exclaimed, grabbing her shake.

"Oh hey Wally! I missed you buddy. It took them a while to bring you back." Dick said.

"Oh yeah. Sad news I'm gonna be Kid Flash for quite a while till the old man so call "dies". It's gonna be Young Justice all over again."

"Yeah that is not needed."

"Do I even exist in this universe?" Asked Cassandra quietly.

"Oh right. Yeah you don't. You're gone too." Barbara said.

"I'll be back." Cassandra swore silently as she disappeared.

"That was weird. Any one need napkins?" Barbara asked as she wheeled her way over to the condiments table.

"Why the heck are you in a wheel chair?" Damian asked confused.

"Uh cause I need it. Got crippled remember?"

"Not anymore, DC brought you back in action." Bruce said, stirring his protein packed milkshake

"No way. Like I was pretty pissed that they crippled me at first cause I was such a strong female character, and I didn't look like some fantasy striper. Sorry Diana."

"It's fine, they're giving me pants in the animated films."

"That's cause they're trying to keep it PG we all know people want to see you in that swimsuit. Anyways, I realized the potential I had and how many handicap people I could inspire. Being crippled didn't stop me as I stayed strong and continued to help you guys as much as I could ,even though I could never be in the field again. That was very inspirational to those who were in a situation like me. Buuuuut, screw it. That's too bad I guess. I can walk again!" Barbara shrieked with joy, running around the ice cream parlour.

"John, I'm so happy you broke up with Vixen so we could be together again." Shayerasaid with a smile.

"I'm happy too, I love you Shayera."

"Oh hey John, John Stewart right?" Asked Hal Jordan as he walked in the parlour.

"Uh yeah?"

"You're not a founding member anymore. I'm your replacement. Besides I'm such a cooler Green lantern. I mean I can beat your ass any day and I would be honoured to touch Diana's ass any day."

"You challenge me to fight mortal? Then let us fight!" Diana declared, drawing out her sword.

"Ok, everybody just calm down. Hal stop being such a jerk. Diana you need to calm down, and stop acting like a female Thor. That is not needed." Barry said, trying to keep things contained.

"Since when are you to keep things under control? You're usually the one who screws it up." Dick said. Barry just shrugged his shoulders and quietly sipped his triple berry milkshake.

"Ok let's move things along. Shayera you're not a founder or even in the league so you can go." Hal said, as Shayera disappeared.

"Bring her back!" John yelled, taking out his ring.

"It's time for you to leave anyways, John. I'm replacing you."

"That's not fair! Is it because I'm black? Cause I think we should have at least one black guy to even things out!"

"Got that covered. I'm the new black guy." Cyborg said as he crashed through the roof.

"He's much cooler than you, plus he was a football player so that makes him a cooler black guy then you. Bye john." John alike the others, disappeared in a puff of smoke.

"Hey Diana, you think there's still a chance we could... be together?" Bruce asked Diana quietly.

"Why would an Amazon immortal warrior princess like myself be with a stupid mortal man like you? I am an Amazon! I don't have time for men or your stupid earth customs." Diana declared fiercely.

"That would have hurt, but Selina looks _super_ hot in black leather sooooo, I'm cool with it." Diana glared at Bruce, letting out a huff of annoyance.

"Hey guys! Sorry I'm late, needed to wrap up a few things at the daily planet. Brought Lois with me." Clark said cheerfully, waking hand in hand with Lois.

"Lois is such an amazing wife, I can't imagine loving anyone else but her... Woah, Diana you look super hot right now. Like hotter than Lois. Want to date?"

"Sure. Only if you get rid of your well loved and icon girlfriend, Lois Lane, which will seriously piss off a lot of long time comic book fans. I mean, making the two strongest heroes in the world date? What could go wrong?"

"Sounds good. Maybe if they show us making out on a comic book cover, everyone will forget I used to date Lois." Clark said, throwing Lois out of the hole in the roof Cyborg made early.

"I thought J'onn was one of the strongest heroes on the planet." Wally said confused.

"Holy Poseidon and everything Atlantic! There's a monster in there!" Author screamed, running out of the bathroom.

"WARGHFH! MEERERGJFUUUDIP! I CAME FROM MARS TO EAT YOUR BRAINS!" J'onnboomed, crawling out of the bathroom in a giant mutated form.

"Holy shiz, what happened with J'onn?" Wally exclaimed, getting into a defensive stance.

"We can do it! We're the justice league!" Hal declared as every justice league member except for Superman jumped into action. After five minutes of fighting, J'onn was over powering the leaguers. Meanwhile Clark was chilling with Jason, lighting up a cigarette. The open flame caught one of J'onns many tentacles and J'onn went up in flames .Aquaman summoned 10 gallons of water and washed J'onn away to sea.

"Woah Clark you so defeated him! You're so strong! Diana exclaimed, hugging Clark.

"I may be strong, but the pain, anger and emptiness that weighs down my heart will always be stronger."

"Clark, what the hell?" You can't be dark and brooding too! That's Bruce's job. If Geoff thought that making you darker would make you more relatable then he is wrong. You're supposed to be like the bright happy symbol of hope and peace." Barbara said, crossing her arms.

"What can I say? Everybody wants to be like me." Bruce said with a smirk.

"I'm going to be dark for now on, cause when I was in elementary school no one picked me to be on their team for basketball. Plus Supergirl is a _super_ hot girl from Krypton and turns out she's my cousin so I can't date her. My life is officially full of pain, and even though it never really bugged me before, it now does. I am no beacon of light, I'm just the blackout that will break down my city."

"No Clark, you're better than that. You can be the spark in the ashes." Diana said softly, looking into Clark's eyes.

"No I can't Diana. I can never live up to this symbol I wear."

"Oh for the love of... I liked you better when you were a grinning stupid Boy Scout. Suck it up and stop complaining. Geesh." Bruce grumbled.

"You know, I gotta say the Court of Owls was a really cool arc." Damian said.

"Uh duh. Scott Snyder wrote it. I admire how he doesn't really give a crap about the New 52. Like for sure he read the part where I randomly take of my mask but he didn't care. He's like nope I'm keeping him all trust issuey and dark. You know most of the bat family characters seems to be written perfectly normal. 

"The reason why anyone related to you hasn't changed much is because fans would flip out and burn down DC headquarters and move to Marvel. I mean let's face it, you earn DC the most money in films, comics and merchandise. They can't change youcause-"

"CAUSE I'M BATMAN!' Bruce shrieked, interrupting Wally.

"Whoa, Bruce Wayne is BATMAN?" Hal exclaimed. Everyone looked at him, giving him crazy eyes.

"Uh yeah. You didn't know that?" Barry asked.

"Nope. According to Justice League #5, when Batman gives this huge really personal speech to me, and takes of his mask, I just stand there like an idiot and shout "WHO THE HELL IS BRUCE WAYNE?"

"He is like one of the most powerful men in the world! How the hell do you not know about him?" Jason asked.

"Whoa, Bruce Wayne is Batman?" One of the cashiers gasped.

"Uh... No.. No I'm not!' Bruce shouted.

"Yeah, yeah you so are!"

"Uh nope. I mean me Bruce Wayne BATMAN? That's uh, that's insane! Right guys?"

"Oh my god! I can't wait to tell my mom, then my pet bunny Missy, then-" Bruce threw a batarang, nailing the guy in the head, instantly killing him.

"Ohmygod! Whydidyoujustkillthatman!?" Wally shrieked.

"Well I broke one of my very personal rules about giving away my identity. And uh later on in the story I go back to normal, and act very dark and un trusting around the leagues. So, I didn't want another guy to know my secret."

"BUT YOU JUST BROKE YOUR ONE RULE!" Tim yelled.

"Whaaaat? Noooo he's still alive."

"Uh no. He has no pulse." Barbara said, knelling next to the dead man.

"Whaaaa? Noooo, he's still alive."

"You killed him." Jason stated bluntly.

"Ok fine! I killed him whatever. I broke one of my very personal rules about taking off my mask, no biggie if I break another rule right?"

"Why is it always about you! We're important too! I'm important! Not Everything is about you and Gotham. I can control fish! And do a lot of other cool stuff that for some insane reason no one cares about." Aquamanpouted.

"Let's all agree to disagree ok? I don't think we're seeing the forest for the trees. Maybe everything that has been happening is for the good. I mean, Superman andWonderwoman becoming a couple for instance, yes it seems insane. Lois Lane will be missed, but maybe it's time to let go of the past. It's a new time, and I think we should give this couple a chance. With Stephanie and Cassandra missing, you really think the writers won't bring them back? It only has been three years since the reboot and I'm sure they will appear later on when everything gets settled. " Bruce announced.

Everyone one in the shop nodded their head in agreement.

"And for Barbara, it's not like they just threw you out of the chair and pretended that nothing happened. Gail wrote about your survivor's guilt and handled you getting back into action very well. I think we are being too hard on this change."

"Yeah!" All of them cheered.

"I mean everything here make sense! Even my timeline. See, I'll show you guys everything that's happening in the New 52 is making sense. I was born in 1985, when I was 10 my parents were murdered in 1995. Everything makes sense. Then, Damian was born in 1999 in Batman & Robin #0, and... Wait. What the hell? Why is he born in 1999? WHAT THE. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU DC? I HAD AN INTERCOURSE WITH A RANDOM LADY I NEVER EVEN MET AT THE AGE 14? 14! AND WE DIDN'T EVEN USE PROTECTION? THAT IS WRONG. SO WRONG. HOW COULD I EVEN MEET TAILIA IF I WENT TO GO TRAIN IN THE MOUNTAINS IN 2000 BATMAN #0 AT AGE 15. BUT I HADDAMIAN AGE 14!? AND I LEFT THE HOUSE AT THE AGE 15! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOUALFRED? OK, OK, calm down. Serenity now... The rest can't be that bad. According to Detective comics #0, I return to Gotham age 19 in 2004. So Jason comes back to life as Red Hood in 2009. But Dick becomes Robin in 2006, so does that mean Dick is only Robin for like one year before becoming Nightwing? Then Jason becomes Robin in 2006 also before dying then coming back to life three years later?"

"Hey what about me!" Tim complained.

"Right, right. According to DC, Tim attends Greystone Academy, which is middle school. In 2006? So I pretty much went through THREE Robins in one year? OMG WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? HOW DID I MANAGED TO GO THROUGH THREE ROBINS IN A YEAR? And Barbara becomes Batgirl in 2006, quits being Batgirl in 2007 to focus on college!? Gets shot in 2008, three years later is back out crime fighting? So in 2008 I'm around 23, and Damian is nine years old. So going back to present time I'm like 29? Man, I am so young and Damian is already like 15!? What is HAPPENING! Well, at least all of my family is here, I don't know what I would do if I lost any of you."

"Oh sorry father, I just got killed off. Bye! Take care of batcow!" Damian said before vanishing.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE WORLD? WHY WOULD THEY KILL MY ONLY BLOOD RELATED SON? WHY CAN'T I BE HAPPY? DAMN IT. JUST. OMG. JUST SCREW YOU NEW 52. JUST SCREW YOU. THIS MAKES NO SENSE. I HAD INTERCOURSE WITH A LADY AT 14, WENT THROUGH THREE KIDS IN A YEAR AND I'M SOMEHOW ONLY 29? ARRRRRRRRRGH!" Bruce screeched, crashing through the wall of the parlour.

"Well, as long as we're together. Right guys?" Barry said sheepishly.

"Riiiiiiiiight. Guys I'm quitting the League. Gotta have more time with my babes. See ya." Hal said, flying out the ceiling, making another hole.

"Hey guys! It's Booster Gold! I'ma gonna be the new stuck up, smart ass guy to replace Hal!"

"Ooooooooooooooooooooooh shit." Everyone mumbled.

~The End~

This one shot was pretty messed up.

Ok it was really messed up.

All the facts about the comics books may not be completely accurate, and if not I apologize. :)


	5. I dunno

"You did WHAT?" Bruce snapped, glaring at Jason.

"I just got drunk at Old Navy! It's not a big deal!" Jason whined, putting his hands up in defence.

"It was hilarious. He got drunk in the women's garment sections." Tim said, stifling a giggle.

"Oh don't forget the part where he stumbled into the changing rooms. That was priceless!" Damian giggled, holding back a huge smile.

"How much did you drink Jason?" Bruce growled, making sure he was out of ear shot of his guests, who were currently in the Manor's ballroom.

"I dunno, maybe 5, 8 or 10 bottles."

"And how long ago was this?"

"I dunno, maybe 5, 8 or 10 minutes ago." Jason replied with a stupid grin, as it was obvious most of him wasn't really there.

"You're not sober yet? Jason you better-"

"Hi Bruce!" A stunning blond girl with blue eyes called, walking towards him with a smile. The boys wasn't that sure what exactly happened, or how it happened, but Bruce just switched personas in half a second flat. The anger was sucked out of his face, the edge in his voice melted away and a bright smile graced his lips.

"Oh, hi Alisha! You look lovely, as always." Bruce cooed, his lips gently brushing her hand.

"Oh Bruce, always the charmer. Would you like me to get you a drink?"

"Oh, it should be me getting you one."

"Nonsense, you already do enough around here. I'll be back shortly." As soon as she was out of view, Bruce turned back to Jason, his eyes darkening the slightest and the sharpness in his voice returning.

"Jason, did you make a big scene? How many people were in the store?"

"I dunno, maybe 5,8 or 10 people."

Bruce's eye started to twitch as he glared down his son who continued to look back at him with a dazed smile.

"How many security guards this time?" Bruce asked with a sigh, not really wanting to know the number.

"I dunno, maybe 5,8 or 10 guards."

"Would you stop saying-"

"I hope you like white wine, it's a very strong type I brought from Italy. Very good for your skin." Alisha said with a smile, as she approached Bruce with two glasses. Like a light being turned on, Bruce's smile returned as he turned around.

"Thank you very much." Bruce said warmly , taking a sip.

"So, these are your sons?" Alisha asked nicely, smiling at the boys. Dick grinned back with a huge smile, waving wildly at her.

"You're super hot." Jason said with a giggle.

"Oh, uh... um thanks?" Alisha said with a half smile.

"Sorry, he's kinda out of it. Just came back from the dentist after a surgery. He's a bit woozy." Bruce said, his words flowing out smoothly. He really didn't need Alisha telling everyone he accidently let his son get drunk.

"Oh, no problem it's fine. You know tomorrow, I was thinking-"

_Bzzzz. Bzzzz._

_"_Oh who could that be... Shoot..it's my mother. I have to take this sorry." Alisha said apologetically, quickly excusing herself.

" -5,8 or 10?" Bruce hissed, finishing his sentence from before. Damian was trying to hold in his laughter, it was hilarious to see Bruce change personas so quickly.

"You caused enough trouble for tonight. You're going-"

"Hi Bruce!" Once again, Bruce snapped back to his easy going self and greeted his guest.

"Oh hi Alice! It's been awhile!"

"Yes, and unfortunately I can't stay long at all. I just came cause to tell you personally my wine store just opened!"

"That's great to hear!" Bruce exclaimed.

"Yeah! I was in town and came by to give you a sample of this. It's my very own store special homemade brew. I call it "Uppercut Brew" cause it strikes you fast and knocks you out. Not literally though, I just suggest not to drive anywhere for the rest of the night. Can you try a glass? I know you're not much of a drinker, but pleeeaaassseeee?" Alice pleaded with a smile.

"I really shouldn't." Not counting the wine Alisha gave him, he already had two glasses. Which was very rare for him, considering he usually stuck to ginger ale. But on the other hand, it wasn't a big deal, since he hardly drinks and he was having a break from patrol tonight.

"Please Bruce? I brought this all the way from Starling for you."

"Oh, alright. " Bruce said kindly as he quickly drained his glass of white wine from Alisha, even though his gut feeling was yelling at him to decline her offer. Alice generously filled up his glass with the strong brew, exchanging a few words before she headed off .

"-Straight upstairs you hear me!?" Bruce snarled.

"But Bruuuuuuuuuuuuuce!" Jason whined.

"Don't you-"

"It's nice to see you again!" Bruce gritted his teeth and narrowed his eyes, before turning back to his smiley self to greet his guest.

"Oh hi Mr. Evan! What brings you here?"

"Oh nothing really, just came to thank you again for your donation to the hospital."

"Oh it was nothing."

"Let's cheer to it!" said as he brought up his glass of wine. Bruce reluctantly, clinked glasses and took a sip. Alice wasn't kidding when she said her brew was strong, it was _the _strongest wine he have ever had. It tasted really good though.

"Gotta go Bruce! Catch ya later!"

"-Argue with me! You better go wash up and leave right now." The three boys were letting out giggles as Jason was practically laughing his head off.

"Stop laughing. This isn't funny! How many times will I have to tell you go upstairs tonight before it gets through your thick head?"

"I dunno, maybe 5,8 or 10 times."

"Stop saying that!" Bruce hissed.

"Ooooooooooooooooor what?" Jason challenged with a toothy smile.

"You'll be grounded. And you don't want to know for how long." Bruce threatened.

"Oh, I'm going by my gut feeling and gonna say, maybe 5,8 or 10 days?" Damian said cheekily.

"The next person who says, 5,8 or 10, will be smacked _hard_."

"Sorry about that. Where were we?" Alisha asked kindly, as she made her appearance. Bruce casted one last angry glare at Jason before plastering a smile on his face.

"Oh, I believe you were asking me a question?"

"Oh yes! If you're not busy tomorrow, you think we can meet up?"

"Why of course! I'll be delighted! Around what time were you thinking?"

"The afternoon to evening would be best. Maybe 5,8 or 10 PM?" She asked sweetly. Bruce's eye twitched, as his four sons laughed uncontrollably.

"5:00 PM works for me. I'll pick you up tomorrow then. "

"Alright, sounds good. I gotta go now. See you tomorrow! She sang sweetly, as she left the room.

"Man she seems so nice, like too good to be true. Is this going to be you're 4th date this month?" Tim asked.

"I dunno, maybe his, 5,8th or 10th time this month?" Jason squealed with a smile.

"Oh, how many times do you think she will try and kiss him?" Dick asked, bursting into laughter.

"I dunno, maybe 5,8 or 10 times." Damian replied with a smirk, avoiding eye contact with Bruce.

"Hey, how many times do you think we said, 5,8 or 10 times?" Dick asked, laughter bubbling out of his throat.

"I dunno, maybe 5,8 or 10 times?" Jason and Tim shrieked in unison, as Dick was doubling over in laughter.

Bruce muttered something under his breath, that if heard by a police officer, his kids would probably be in protective custody. Bruce exited the room, leaving his laughing kids behind. It was getting late and most of his guest already started to leave anyways.

"Master Bruce, leaving already?" Alfred asked, quirking up an eyebrow.

"I need my space." Bruce replied bluntly, heading towards the clock.

"May I suggest you go sleep, you have an early appointment tomorrow at 7:30 AM sharp. " Bruce squinted up at the clock, it was 12:41 PM. There was no way he was getting out of bed at 6:30 AM tomorrow to get ready.

"Cancel it."

"But sir, you have to go to some meetings. You cancelled too many this month."

"How much?"

"Around 5,8 or 10-"

"ALRIGHT! Alright! Just please... not another word." Bruce mumbled, as he drank the rest of his wine, placing it on a desk before heading upstairs. The boys emerged from the ballroom, watching Bruce go up the stairs with a smile.

"Master Dick, how many glasses did he have to drink tonight?" Alfred asked.

"I dunno, maybe 5,8 or 10 glasses."

~~ End~~


	6. Return of the text message! Part 1

Dick's could feel his heart beat pounding against his rib cage, as his fingers gently curled around Bruce's phone.

"_All by myself!" _Sang Bruce's ringtone on full volume, echoing through the dark and slumberous room.

_'SHIZ SHIZ SHIZ SHIZ! RUN AWAY! RUUUUUN AWAY!" _Dick thought, as he quietly dived under Bruce's bed.

"Mmm... w.. what?" Bruce muttered, as he slowly creaked open one of his eyes.

"_Don't wanna be! All by myself_!"

"What the..." Bruce cringed as he forced his sore body into a sitting position, turning on his beside lamp.

"_Anymoooore! All by myself! Don't wanna live! All by myself_!" Bruce narrowed his eyes and let out a sigh, and answered his phone.

"What do you want Ollie?" Bruce asked, not bothering to keep the exhaustion or annoyance out of his voice.

"... Shut up with the nocturnal bat jokes already... What? Are you serious?... How did that happen? Why can't... Alright, alright, I'll be there in an hour or less... No I'm fine... I'm fine! Don't turn into Alfred, it's not like you do any better... Yeah ok. Sure. We can have a sleep over after...No I-... I was being sarcastic... Alright, see you soon. Bye."

"So what was that bout?" Chirped Dick, who popped his head from underneath the bed. Bruce let out a silent shriek as his stomach was sucked into his lungs.

"Why are you in my room!?" Bruce growled, relaxing himself and sinking back into his bed.

" Well you see, I was looking for Simba, cause he's so fluffy and is like a portable heater. So first, I went to Damian's room, and I got hit with a pillow. Then I went to Jason's and got hit with a book, and by the hard impact it had on my face, I'm pretty sure it was the anger management book Timmy gave him a few-"

"Short version."

"Turns out he came and slept with you at the edge of the bed. So , I was going to leave but I didn't want to wake up the poor kitten so I decided to crash here. Then I remembered I need to get your ph... What? Did I uh say phone? Wait nope. I uh...I wasn't in here for any other reason. I promise. Oh, and for your ringtone I changed that yesterday." Dick said with a sheepish smile.

"What time is it?" Bruce asked turning the light off, he really didn't need an annoying kid and a bright light in his face.

"Three AM."

"Three? That's just perfect. And what's with the stupid song." Bruce whined.

"Cause... you need a girl friend."

"Go away." Bruce grumbled, stuffing his face in one of his many pillows.

"Diana's such a perfect match. You should give it a shot!"

"We are not talking about my love life at three AM in the morning. Now leave."

"Well technically, you don't have a love in your life, so we're talking about your loveless life."

"Get. Out. Now." Dick picked up Simba, and slowly backed out of the room with a stupid grin on his face. Bruce ran a hand through his messy hair and walked into his bathroom.

For some reason, Dick, Jason, Tim and even Damian was "too busy" for patrol tonight. Luckily, it was a slow night and Bruce got to head back home two hours earlier. But, he was glad he had some bounding time alone with Barbara, it was a nice change just being with her. Ever since she recovered from her incident, they never really got the chance to patrol together. Now she was back in action and witty as ever, just like the olden days.

Taking a quick shower to wake himself up, he changed into a black T and shorts. Only four hours of sleep (which was an improvement) and he had to go to Starling to help Oliver with some fear toxin problems. Just what he needed.

"_Hey Bruce..."_ A voice sang from somewhere. He had no clue where though. Probably just one of those weird voices, he would occasionally get in his head, when he went three days with little sleep. Bruce mentally shrugged, and started to walk out of the bathroom.

"_Don't be afraid.. You were made to, go out and get her!" _The voice sang even louder, drilling the words into his head.

_"_Why can't you just leave me ALONE?" Bruce complained, as he started banging his head against the bathroom wall.

"_Hey Bruce... don't let me down... You have found her! Now go and get her! Remember, to let her into your heart! Then you can start! To-"_

Bruce opened up the bathroom vent, and pulled out Dick. With a scowl on his face, Bruce wordlessly dragged him out of his room and into the dark hallway.

"Congratulations Dick, I am now wide awake thanks to your stupidity. You know I have Insomnia."

"Insomnia? What does that mean?" Damian asked, yawning as he stumbled out of his room.

"I think it means he has a disorder or something." Dick responded thoughtfully.

"Oh, we know that Bruce has a lot of those." Jason said with a smirk as he emerged from his room.

"What is with all the racket?" Tim yawned, as he walked out of his room.

"Why is everyone awake?" Bruce muttered but no one seemed to hear him.

"Anyways, Dick did you complete the objective?" Jason whispered quietly.

"Sure did! Bruce didn't even noti-... By Bruce I don't mean you Bruce, I'm talking about another guy... I uh.." Bruce didn't seem to care as he started to walk back into his room.

"Oh hey Father, where are you going?" Asked Damian softly, shooting Dick a "you're such an idiot" glare.

"I'm getting my phone then a triple shot espressooo...Why am I even telling you this? Why do you even care?" Bruce asked bluntly as he started to walk into his room.

"Oh wait uh, Bruce? Why are you drinking coffee at three AM in the morning? Shouldn't you go back to bed? I mean, aren't you tired?"

"I don't know. Am I? I have to go to Starling, Ollie needs some help." Bruce replied dryly, as he started to turn around. Jason rolled his eyes, before quietly clearing his throat.

"Hey hey hey! Bruuuce. After you crashed for the night, I went out for a night ride, and I kinda crashed your car."Jason said with a smile.

"What!? Which one?" Bruce exclaimed, whipping around with new energy.

"Which one what?" Jason asked innocently.

"You just said you crashed a car?"

"No I didn't. Geesh, why would you think I would crash one of your cars? I thought you trusted me."

"What you JUST said you crashed a car!" Bruce whined, resting his head in his hands.

"Oh right. Yeah I crashed the Batmobile."

"How did that happen?!"

"How did what happen?"

"You crashing the Batmobile!"

Jason gasped before clenching his heart.

"Bruce! Why would you say such a thing! I would never crash your car!"

"But you said... Stop doing that! You just said it!" Bruce said annoyed his face screwing up in confusion.

" You know how it goes. The Batmobile lost its wheel and Joker got away. I actually just saw Joker on patrol tonight."

"Joker is out of Arkham ALREADY? I just arrested him! And you skipped patrol tonight! How would you know?"

"What Bruce? I was with you the whole entire time! You just never notice me. I don't even know why I try."

"Jason, stop it with this nonsense!"

"Oh and, I never said Joker! What are you talking about!? I said Two Face. Two face. I ran over Two Face with Bruce Wayne's car."

"I thought it was the Batmobile." Dick said.

"Oh, right. Yeah I hit Two Face and Poision Ivy with the Batmobile and Clayface with your new shiny car.

"What!?" Bruce yelled.

"What!?" Dick squealed.

"What?" Tim asked.

"How many cars did you crash tonight?!"

"What? You are making zero sense Bruce. I never said anything about a car. I think you're losing it." Jason said with a sly smile.

"Jason Todd. Stop right now or you'll be grounded. Did you crash a car or not?"

"A car? I didn't crash a car! I swear."

"Alright then. You better not be lying."

"I didn't crash_ a_ car. I crashed cars. Carssss. You're missing the plural." Bruce looked like he was going to explode any minute while Dick laughed his head off.

"Yeah so, I may or may not have crashed a car or cars plural, and I may or may not have, depending on which day of the week it is and which cereal Dick eats for breakfast, crashed a plane or planes and may or may not-"

"Shuddup! STOP. Just... stop talking! You're wasting my time! I need to get to Starling. Just need to... Need to..." Bruce was drawing blanks as he started back at his room.

"What did I need again?"

"A girlfriend?" Dick chimed.

" I'll be back soon. Try not to blow something up." Bruce mumbled as he headed downstairs.

"That was fun." Tim said with a smile.

"Was all of that necessary Jason?" Damian asked.

"Of course it was little demon. With Bruce you can never be too sure."

"Well, it seems like he'll be gone for quite a while, and when he comes back he'll just sleep until dinner. So that just screwed up our plan." Tim said.

"I did not skip patrol and go to sleep at 10:00 to complain about our plan being ruined. We woke up early to do this, and do it we shall. We can 't hook them up for lunch, but maybe dinner. Just need to alter it a bit." Jason stated, as the boys started to walk into Tim's room.

"Hey, why my room?" Tim whined.

"Cause, you have the cleanest room. That's what you get for being organized. " Damian said as the boys got comfortable on the bed.

"Ok let me start it off." Tim said, taking the phone from Dick, searching through Bruce's contacts for Diana.

* _Hey Diana_

_I'm not really good at these types of things, but we never really get to talk much. Since League business seems pretty slow at the moment, would you want to go grab something to eat?_

"There. Simple."

Snatching the phone from Tim, Jason read it out loud.

"Alright, we will go in circle, my turn." Jason said with a smirk.

* H_ey Diana_

_I'm not really good at these types of things, but we never really get to talk much. Since League business seems pretty slow at the moment, would you want to go grab something to eat__**? Not junk food of course, I need to keep a healthy diet. But you are welcome to grab my junk anytime. ;)**_

"Master piece!" Jason declared.

"Ugh, Todd. I am disgusted with the way you talk to woman. Did you learn nothing from last time? Give that to me."

* H_ey Diana_

_I'm not really good at these types of things, but we never really get to talk much. Since League business seems pretty slow at the moment, would you want to go grab something to eat? Let's not grab junk food though, I need to keep a healthy diet. But you are welcome to grab my junk anytime. ;) __**And by junk, I mean the junk in my heart. My life is full of empty shattered shards of pain , that fills up the part where my happiness would be. Your smile always seems to grab the junk from my heart and fill it with warmth and comfort.**_

_"_That's no fair! Why do you always have to change the meaning of my sentences? I'm just having a little fun." Jason complained.

"Don't even bother, I can change anything you write into something sweet."

"Yeah right."

"Wanna bet?"

"You're on." Jason declared, snatching the phone back.

* ..._. Your smile always seems to grab the junk from my heart and fill it with warmth and comfort. __**Except sometimes your smile looks like it could kill everything on the planet.**_

After reading it, Damian took the phone back and started to text.

_*... Except sometimes your smile looks like it could kill everything on the planet. __**Because when a sad smile is cursed upon you soft red lips, it has the power to drown everyone in despair and make the sun go black with sadness. But when a beautiful smile is graced upon your face , it can light up the darkest corners of the underworld and make the flowers blossom in winter.**_

"Oh yeah? Well fix _this." _Jason challenged with annoyance.

*..._ But when a beautiful smile is graced upon your face , it can light up the darkest corners of the underworld and make the flowers blossom in winter. __**Even with your lovely smiles, I would never want to be with you. You are not worthy of my presence.**_

Reading it quickly, a sly smile crept on Damian's face as he quickly fixed it.

*..._. Even with your lovely smiles, I would never want to be with you. You are not worthy of my presence.__** The darkness within me chains me down to anger, pain and regret. Your eyes light up the room and your voice is soothing and forgiving. I would never want to be with you because you deserve much better. You are a magnificent amazing woman, and I want to save the brightness in your eyes. You don't deserve to see the darkness and gloom I bring with my presence. I don't want to get closer because I'm afraid I'll be the blackout that takes away your light.**_

Jason's eyes narrowed as he quickly typed another sentence.

*_ ... I don't want to get closer because I'm afraid I'll be the blackout that takes away your light. __**How about you go kill yourself**__._

_*.. ... How about you go kill yourself. __**Because even in death you can light up Hades and tame the lost and lonely souls that wonder the underworld. You would be the beacon of light and hope, as you are now. After you have touched each lost and angry soul with your soft ,caring words, there would be no hell because your presence alone cools the rage and the fires. With your spirit as light as angel wings, you would float back up to heaven where you belong.**_

_"_Ok I give! I give. You overly deep little demon, Bruce could never write something so ... emotional. I mean you know he has like three emotions. Pissed off and annoyed and not impressed/bored.. That's pretty much it. Love is not an exception."

"Ok here, let me write!" Dick squealed, taking the phone.

*..._ With your spirit as light as angel wings, you would float back up to heaven where you belong. __**So yeah! I think dinner would sound pretty good! lol! Tots we should go to like some fancy restaurant tbh. I can pay for the meals ofc. RICH GUY FTW! Hehe rofl. Tell me if you can meet up! Anyways ttyl! Baiiiiiiiiii"**_

" Dick, your writing is the worst thing I have EVER read." Damian said, his face screwing up with disgust.

"Hey! It's not my fault! This is text! Most people use text language when they text."

"We are deleting that." Tim said.

"No! You guys got to write something! I get to keep this fair and square!"

"Ew, who says "Fair and Square" anymore? And come on Dick, don't send that." Damian said. Seconds later a loud "_da ding! Message sent."_ filled the room.

"Tooooooo late." Dick said with a smile. 

**A/N: Since this story was too long for one chapter, and I wanted to write more, I made it into two. So there shall be a part two coming soon! Thanks for reading!**

**~~ BlueRaven**


End file.
